Hello dear reader,
I hope you are enjoying the bank holiday and had a present and peaceful St. Patrick’s weekend.
I am delighted that last week’s newsletter resonated with so many of you. Thanks for your kind wishes, my Dad is growing stronger by the day and safe to say has made friends with all the nurses both in the hospital and now the convalescence home.
On Thursday evening I sat down with another hugely significant male in my life, Luca, my sixteen-year-old son to help him make his final decision on his choices for Leaving Cert subjects which had to be submitted the next morning.
Luca is a very strategic person and I could see him planning each choice as though it were a game of chess: “If I do history it will be harder to get an H1,” and, “I have to do a science as so many college courses require it.” I admired his positive attitude and was impressed with the time and consideration he gave the process. However, at the same time, I was disillusioned that the system puts pressure on young people to make choices that they are led to believe could shape their whole lives. You and I know that this is not the case, however, at 16 it is much more difficult to gain that perspective.
Ghandi once said ‘“Every home is a university and the parents are the teachers.” I was doing my best to be the teacher for Luca by asking him to choose the subjects he was most interested in rather than the ones he felt ‘he should do’.
Parenting teens is tricky as we have all of the responsibility without the same autonomy we once had.
I am working on integrating the realisation that I can only offer my guidance and support to Luca as he makes the transition into adulthood. It is less about letting go and more about letting be. As a parent/guardian we can often see the pitfalls looming and naturally want to protect our children. However, once we have said our piece we need to give them space to make their own mistakes.
Have you made choices in your life based on what you felt you ‘should do’ rather than what brings you joy?
Few people have a clear life purpose at sixteen years of age. In fact, I know from my vast clinical experience that it is rare for most people to have ONE purpose throughout their lives.
Cory Muscara, an ex-monk who inspires thousands through his Instagram page @corymuscara, suggests that rather than ask yourself, ‘What is my purpose in life,’ ask ‘What brings me alive at this point in my life?’
Asking yourself what brings you joy now will lead you closer and closer to finding your purpose at this stage in your life regardless of how old you are.
After some twists and turns, Luca did make his choices, we managed to meet somewhere in the middle as there is a science in there and no history but also subjects that he expressed more interest in - halleluiah!
I’ll be writing to you from Crete next week as we head to our second home for Easter. I have lots of choices to make, namely which sofa to buy! I am pretty sure this will bring me joy…
Before I leave I have a busy schedule with media interviews for my forthcoming book, ‘Sleep Well’ which you can still pre-order if you haven’t already done so and if you would like to take your sleep to the next level join Ciaran and I and our amazing team in person for our one-day retreat, ‘The Sleep Well Experience,’ on the 19th May in Wicklow.